Sunday, October 29, 2006
Never On A Sunday!
This is the second time college has made us work on Sunday. Surprisingly, though, I was (and am) in an exceptionally good mood today! No idea why. And in spite of the fact that Australia is currently shaking the sillies out of India, my mood is maintained. Such a level has my mood attained that I stepped up to post this blog entry though I have nothing to post about! Ah bientôt!
Saturday, October 21, 2006
'A' Rated!
I think that I'm finally beginning to become the adult that my birth certificate says I am. A lot of people who know me well enough (read 12 Sci-ians) are probably 'LOL'ing right now. To them, I say... I'm as surprised as you are! I never thought I could be anything but the child (or baby, rather) that I've been for the past 18 years, but I guess I was wrong.
I've begun to feel a lot that I've never felt before. Like responsibility. And when I say responsibility, I am not referring to doing my homework on time or performing prefect duty without fail. I'm talking more in terms of the feeling that in four year's time, I will be working (hopefully!), and someone will be using what I make, and I will be answerable if anything goes wrong. And that someone's life might actually depend on the stuff that I make. I know four years seems like forever, but it seems like just yesterday that I was my sister's age! Which brings me to another point.
Even till a few months back, I would find it funny when my parents said stuff like 'Oh, how time flies! It seems like just yesterday when we were little kids!' or when relatives came up to me and went 'The last time I saw you, you were soooooo small. How tall you've become!'. But yesterday, I found myself saying just that to a ex-neighbour I'd met after two years. I also feel (like I've mentioned earlier in this article) that time flies. I feel nostalgic about school. Though I'm still a student, I no longer feel like a schoolgirl. Yesterday, when my neighbour of three years wished me a happy diwali and commented on how grown up I looked in a 'salwar kameez' (Ref. next paragraph), for the first time, I didn't feel that she was ancient.
Until a few months back, I made sure I shopped for clothes that looked 'cool', whatever that is. Part of this policy was buying clothes that made sure my friends also considered me 'cool'. Really! But now I've sorta reached a point where I'm realising that it really doesn't matter that much. Funnily enough, I realised this when I saw a Full House episode I'd seen some thrice earlier. I'd recognised the theme of the episode all the time, but I'd never really FELT it till I saw it for the fourth time. Now, I suddenly don't mind dressing up in an ethnic dress (and that means salwar kameez with dupatta, not kurta and jeans!) even for casual occasions. In fact, I'm proud of it.
I'm proud because it brings out my Indian-ness. As days go by, I feel more and more patriotic. I know now that being an Indian doesn't just mean that I live here and speak the language. There are ties that bind. It's a deep running bond that links you to your country, and that can never change no matter where you choose to live. When my parents used to grumble that we never speak out mother tongue at home, I would wonder why they made such a big deal of it. But I now find myself worrying that my language (notice the feeling of belonging!), which is already not widely spoken, might be lost in the generations to come. I find myself promising myself that I will teach my children my language.
My children! Gosh! I often realise, much to my surprise, that I'm telling myself exactly how I'll bring up my kids. I've also begun to feel an emotion that's been totally alien to me till now - motherliness (I don't know if that's a word, but that best describes how I feel). I've never really been one to 'cutesify ' babies - in fact, I used to find babies whiny, smelly and heavy - but of late, I've begun to love holding infants. And I really feel something I can't put into words. It's just something that you feel that makes you feel incredibly happy - the innocence in those little eyes that look up to you, and the fact that they're relying on you. It just makes you feel really good about life. Also, when my mum always worried about me or my sister, I used to find it weird. I mean, the chances of us getting into trouble are much lower than the chances of us NOT getting into trouble, right? Though that still seems perfectly logical to me, lately, I've been worrying a whole lot about my loved ones. (Though this might not be such a new thing - I think I've worried about a lot of my closest friends in the past year...)
But the one thing that I notice that has changed the most about me, that, perhaps, was bound to happen sooner or later - I've outgrown childish crushes. I think I've come to a stage when I can tell the difference between mere attraction and the real thing. Or at least I have enough confidence in myself to know that I'm not going to chase every little infatuation I have. I see lots and lots of really good looking men on TV et al, but now, that's all there is to them. I don't really feel very much more. I know that there's a little something more that I need to find. I'm not sure a hundred percent sure that I know what that something is quite yet, but I am sure that I will know for sure someday.
I think the last six months have really shaped me as a person. I've learned a lot from my experiences (more from the bad ones!). I've made some wise decisions, and some horrendous mistakes. But I've lived through them, and I KNOW I'm wiser now. The world seems an entirely new place, suddenly. But you know, things really aren't very different now. It's just that I've begun to see them differently.
P.S. I also would never write a blog entry like this one a year back!
I've begun to feel a lot that I've never felt before. Like responsibility. And when I say responsibility, I am not referring to doing my homework on time or performing prefect duty without fail. I'm talking more in terms of the feeling that in four year's time, I will be working (hopefully!), and someone will be using what I make, and I will be answerable if anything goes wrong. And that someone's life might actually depend on the stuff that I make. I know four years seems like forever, but it seems like just yesterday that I was my sister's age! Which brings me to another point.
Even till a few months back, I would find it funny when my parents said stuff like 'Oh, how time flies! It seems like just yesterday when we were little kids!' or when relatives came up to me and went 'The last time I saw you, you were soooooo small. How tall you've become!'. But yesterday, I found myself saying just that to a ex-neighbour I'd met after two years. I also feel (like I've mentioned earlier in this article) that time flies. I feel nostalgic about school. Though I'm still a student, I no longer feel like a schoolgirl. Yesterday, when my neighbour of three years wished me a happy diwali and commented on how grown up I looked in a 'salwar kameez' (Ref. next paragraph), for the first time, I didn't feel that she was ancient.
Until a few months back, I made sure I shopped for clothes that looked 'cool', whatever that is. Part of this policy was buying clothes that made sure my friends also considered me 'cool'. Really! But now I've sorta reached a point where I'm realising that it really doesn't matter that much. Funnily enough, I realised this when I saw a Full House episode I'd seen some thrice earlier. I'd recognised the theme of the episode all the time, but I'd never really FELT it till I saw it for the fourth time. Now, I suddenly don't mind dressing up in an ethnic dress (and that means salwar kameez with dupatta, not kurta and jeans!) even for casual occasions. In fact, I'm proud of it.
I'm proud because it brings out my Indian-ness. As days go by, I feel more and more patriotic. I know now that being an Indian doesn't just mean that I live here and speak the language. There are ties that bind. It's a deep running bond that links you to your country, and that can never change no matter where you choose to live. When my parents used to grumble that we never speak out mother tongue at home, I would wonder why they made such a big deal of it. But I now find myself worrying that my language (notice the feeling of belonging!), which is already not widely spoken, might be lost in the generations to come. I find myself promising myself that I will teach my children my language.
My children! Gosh! I often realise, much to my surprise, that I'm telling myself exactly how I'll bring up my kids. I've also begun to feel an emotion that's been totally alien to me till now - motherliness (I don't know if that's a word, but that best describes how I feel). I've never really been one to 'cutesify ' babies - in fact, I used to find babies whiny, smelly and heavy - but of late, I've begun to love holding infants. And I really feel something I can't put into words. It's just something that you feel that makes you feel incredibly happy - the innocence in those little eyes that look up to you, and the fact that they're relying on you. It just makes you feel really good about life. Also, when my mum always worried about me or my sister, I used to find it weird. I mean, the chances of us getting into trouble are much lower than the chances of us NOT getting into trouble, right? Though that still seems perfectly logical to me, lately, I've been worrying a whole lot about my loved ones. (Though this might not be such a new thing - I think I've worried about a lot of my closest friends in the past year...)
But the one thing that I notice that has changed the most about me, that, perhaps, was bound to happen sooner or later - I've outgrown childish crushes. I think I've come to a stage when I can tell the difference between mere attraction and the real thing. Or at least I have enough confidence in myself to know that I'm not going to chase every little infatuation I have. I see lots and lots of really good looking men on TV et al, but now, that's all there is to them. I don't really feel very much more. I know that there's a little something more that I need to find. I'm not sure a hundred percent sure that I know what that something is quite yet, but I am sure that I will know for sure someday.
I think the last six months have really shaped me as a person. I've learned a lot from my experiences (more from the bad ones!). I've made some wise decisions, and some horrendous mistakes. But I've lived through them, and I KNOW I'm wiser now. The world seems an entirely new place, suddenly. But you know, things really aren't very different now. It's just that I've begun to see them differently.
P.S. I also would never write a blog entry like this one a year back!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Phew!
As predicted by many, but nevertheless absolutely unexpected for me, I sorta kinda did well in my first internals. Here goes...
Environmental Education - Writing about this gives me a kick even though it doesn't get counted in the total. All I had to do was pass and I did. And without studying at that! I got a (sad) 42 on 50 but was highly thrilled since I'd studied absolutely nothing!
Math - Thought I'd messed up the question I corrected in the last minute but my teacher took away only one mark for that (stupid arithmetic error... -32-4=-28 if I'm not mistaken) so I got a 49 on 50. However, since the marks appear on 25, I get a 25/25 for that one! God bless the dude (or dudette) who thought of rounding off!
Chem - This was one I wasn't too worried about. (Weird, huh? Chem is normally my bugbear!) This, as expected, was my best paper, with me getting 'out of out' (a new bit of Bengaluru lingo I've learned after joining college) so another 25, only this time I deserved it!
Comp - This again I wasn't too worried about but our teacher was a little strict so I lost out three marks which translates to a 24 on 25, but I was a little bugged because I lost out on a flowchart. I think this feeling will be familiar to certain 12 Sci-ians who irritated computer teacher[(s)???] to give them extra marks since there was absolutely nothing wrong with the logic. I however, refused to beg.
Tronics - This one was the most scary of the lot. Partly because even though our teacher is brilliant (or perhaps because he is brilliant), he expects high funda answers from us. Partly because it was an easy paper and I messed it up. And partly because Tronics is supposed to be my specialisation but I'd done the worst in that. To make matters worse, when I gave in an assignment to our teacher, he pointedly asked 'What happened to you in the paper?'. I spent one whole iday n tension. The next morning in class, he kept staring at my book and asking me questions. When he discussed the paper, I realised I'd pretty much done everything he didn't want us to do. I thought I was doomed for sure. After another really nervous day, I mustered up the courage to go look at my paper. Just when I thought I could make it, I heard these classmates of mine inside his office. One guy asked him why he'd marked a question wrong. Out teacher (who's a MAJOR genius) asked him what his mother tongue was. When the guy replied Tamil, out teacher blasted him in Tamil. I have no idea what he said but that was enough to make me almost have a nervous breakdown. Turns out I got a very respectable 23 on 25. But got yelled at anyway for using whitener. (Apparently VTU strictly bans use of whitener in the exams...) My mum was not very happy with me for putting myself through tension unnecessarily. Like I was telling everyone, she's probably the only mother who yells at her kid for doing better than expected!
So I get a 97% which is WAY beyond what I expected. So all those who left all those comments on my previous blog entry - go ahead. Jeer.
Environmental Education - Writing about this gives me a kick even though it doesn't get counted in the total. All I had to do was pass and I did. And without studying at that! I got a (sad) 42 on 50 but was highly thrilled since I'd studied absolutely nothing!
Math - Thought I'd messed up the question I corrected in the last minute but my teacher took away only one mark for that (stupid arithmetic error... -32-4=-28 if I'm not mistaken) so I got a 49 on 50. However, since the marks appear on 25, I get a 25/25 for that one! God bless the dude (or dudette) who thought of rounding off!
Chem - This was one I wasn't too worried about. (Weird, huh? Chem is normally my bugbear!) This, as expected, was my best paper, with me getting 'out of out' (a new bit of Bengaluru lingo I've learned after joining college) so another 25, only this time I deserved it!
Comp - This again I wasn't too worried about but our teacher was a little strict so I lost out three marks which translates to a 24 on 25, but I was a little bugged because I lost out on a flowchart. I think this feeling will be familiar to certain 12 Sci-ians who irritated computer teacher[(s)???] to give them extra marks since there was absolutely nothing wrong with the logic. I however, refused to beg.
Tronics - This one was the most scary of the lot. Partly because even though our teacher is brilliant (or perhaps because he is brilliant), he expects high funda answers from us. Partly because it was an easy paper and I messed it up. And partly because Tronics is supposed to be my specialisation but I'd done the worst in that. To make matters worse, when I gave in an assignment to our teacher, he pointedly asked 'What happened to you in the paper?'. I spent one whole iday n tension. The next morning in class, he kept staring at my book and asking me questions. When he discussed the paper, I realised I'd pretty much done everything he didn't want us to do. I thought I was doomed for sure. After another really nervous day, I mustered up the courage to go look at my paper. Just when I thought I could make it, I heard these classmates of mine inside his office. One guy asked him why he'd marked a question wrong. Out teacher (who's a MAJOR genius) asked him what his mother tongue was. When the guy replied Tamil, out teacher blasted him in Tamil. I have no idea what he said but that was enough to make me almost have a nervous breakdown. Turns out I got a very respectable 23 on 25. But got yelled at anyway for using whitener. (Apparently VTU strictly bans use of whitener in the exams...) My mum was not very happy with me for putting myself through tension unnecessarily. Like I was telling everyone, she's probably the only mother who yells at her kid for doing better than expected!
So I get a 97% which is WAY beyond what I expected. So all those who left all those comments on my previous blog entry - go ahead. Jeer.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Post - Internals (a.k.a. Post Mortem)
As anyone with any sort of medical knowledge and/or common sense will tell you, I'm pretty much dead. As a result of the First Internals at college. (Don't let their capital letters fool you... They're pure evil!) Maths was bad. Not that it was difficult to crack or anything, but it was way too long for a one-and-a-half hour paper. Chem was better, but still fast from good. Comp was not too bad, but still could have been better. Electronics was the worst. Because in spite of it being the easiest paper, I managed to mess it up! Glad we didn't have practicals for first internals. I probably would have messed those u pas well! The most painful paper, though, was Environmental Studies, which we had today. I left for college early to beat the traffic, and ended up reaching at 8.00 a.m. for a 12.30 p.m. paper. Which I finished at 12.40 p.m. And left the examination hall at 12.50 p.m. (Some weird rule about not leaving early... I spent the remaining 10 minutes embellishing the tick marks on the objective paper. Who's brilliant idea was it to have 50 minutes for a 50-question MCQ paper, anyway?) So that's the way tests went.
I left college at about 2 or so and did an entire Bangalore (or should I say Bengaluru?) darshan (having taken the wrong bus!) and reached home at approximately quarter to four. And here I am.
Have been looking forward to Expressions for the past week. Going to school to see that tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have a better blog entry to put up in 24 hours!
I left college at about 2 or so and did an entire Bangalore (or should I say Bengaluru?) darshan (having taken the wrong bus!) and reached home at approximately quarter to four. And here I am.
Have been looking forward to Expressions for the past week. Going to school to see that tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have a better blog entry to put up in 24 hours!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Sigh!
College just seems to have started and we're already in full swing, what with the first set of tests in a week! Because of these I have to give up the Freshers' party, the INXS concert, the Ramaiah quiz and (waaah!) tons of TV. But worst, I have to (yet again!) put the brake on hard on this (already quite stationary) vehicle that is my blog.
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