Superman Returns - A Review (* / *****)

I'm not a very big fan of superhero movies, and I had (very wisely) decided to give Superman Returns a skip. But when a friend called up and said an enitre gang of people was meeting up to go and see the movie, I reluctantly agreed. (Reluctantly because Love, Actually was running on TV that day, and in order to reach the theatre on time, I would have to miss out on the last 5-10 minutes of Love, Actually.) So hence began the saga of me watching Superman Returns!
Movie opens with an rich, old woman dying and a clearly evil guy taking her entire fortune, and her thanking him for something he did after she got him out of jail. I was already confused. But continued to listen and watch. Ms. Highly Old Lady breathes her last, and out walks our anti-hero with a briefcase full of solid cash. He whips off his wig, and voila! Lex Luthor Returns! (i.e., Before Superman. I think the scriptwriter got the title of the movie a weetle bit wrong.) Kids scream, lightining strikes, thunder rumbles and even the stupidest person in the world has no choice but to realise that out man Lex is EEE-vil.
I will refrain from paining you further by giving you too many more plot details. (By the way, if you thought reading my review is painful, you ain't seen nothing! Go see the movie!) Basically, Krypton was not entirely destroyed, but hardly fit to live on anymore, so 'Superman Returns!'. And, so does Clark Kent. (And how thick can people get not to realise the coincidence??? Sheesh!) He saves Lois and a ton of others from yet another near-death experience. He expects everything to go back to the way it used to be, but does it? Neuoooo!!! Apparently, Lois Lane is now a mommy (Ain't that cute?) and a Pulitzer Prize winner, and refuses to believe that the world needs Superman. Lex Luthor's evil plan to take over the world unfurls.
Things I liked about the movie:

* Popcorn. Okay, so it wasn't a part of the movie, but it was the best part of the two-and-a-half hours.
* Brandon Routh. If he was not as good looking as he was, I don't think I could have got through the movie. He actually looks nice even in spects!
* Lois Lane's hair. Because it gave me hope! Now I know that there's SOMEONE in this world who's hair is less manageable than mine.
* Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor. Because he's bald. I love a shiny pate.
* Kal Penn. (Whose real name, incidentally, is Kalpen Modi!) There was all this hype about a person of Indian origin acting in SR and all, so I kept a look out for him. Loved his sheer *duh*-ness, which was all I loved about him, really.
* The New Adventures of Lois and Clark. Again, not a part of the movie, but something the movie made me appreciate. I'll even put up with Teri Hatcher's bimbo-oscity in the TV show rather than see the movie again.
* The part of the movie when Lois gets into the private yacht-ship-ish thingy and goes "Hello?". Because a kid sitting behind me loudly went "HI!" and that by far was the most entertaining part of the movie.

There's nothing to be said about the movie except that it sucks... Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It's the rotten tomatoes people are chucking at the silver screen!